A couple times a month we have some of our student leaders and interns over to our home. I was feeling brave the other night, so we tackled the always messy, always liberating subject of identity...
I stole an exercise from Steven Furtick's new book, UNQUALIFIED which can be purchased here. The exercise was simple, transformative, and to the point: On one side of the paper you write your "I Am" statements: I am insecure. I am good at sports. I am a leader. I am a failure.
We shared our lists each other - which were pretty raw - and then on the other side of our paper we transformed our list to a different kind of I am statement. The "With Christ I am" list. With Christ I am confident. With Christ I more than a conqueror. With Christ I am made in the image and beauty of God.
The most fascinating thing was this: As vulnerable as it fell to share the first list, it was significantly harder for most of us to share the second. These positive statements felt awkward, untrue, and disingenuous. I realized I've gotten so cozy with the lies about myself, that they feel more authentic than the truth. So yeah I guess I've got a ways to go...
We discussed Moses who encounters I AM at Mt. Horeb. When God tells him what to do, Moses answers with these words: "Who Am I?" It's a rhetorical question meant to communicate that he's the wrong guy for the job, but God answers it anyway:
We pick up right after Moses asks God 'Who am I?',
“I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have BROUGHT THE PEOPLE OUT OF EGYPT, you will worship God on this mountain." Exodus 3:12
At first glance it sounds like God dodges the question... Unless you know what Moses' name means. Moshe meant "Brought out", because pharaoh's daughter "brought him out" or "delivered him out" of the waters. In other words, it was a play on words: As God restated the directive he was simultaneously telling him his name - Moshe, that's who you are, that's who you've been from the beginning, the one who would bring my people out.
This seems to be a pattern in the scriptures. Whenever someone figures out who God is - that's when they figure out who they are. Look at Saul on the road to damascus, another conversation in the desert by the way. It begins with Saul saying "Who are you Lord?" and ends with God telling Paul who he is - an Apostle to kings and gentiles. With that in mind, I left our students with this thought: If I want to know who I am, I have to know who I AM is.
The point is, we find Moshe wandering around in the wilderness at 80 years old not really having a clue who he is. It's a tension we've all felt at some point or another - the place in between not knowing who we are, and feeling like we should have had that figured that out by now. We think we're waiting on God in this endeavor, when in actuality, he is waiting on us. He awaits our presence in a desert and wilderness all our own with Him. He waits for you to, through prayer and devotion, engage his heart and ask him to tell you your name. To hear his Words echoing in our hearts, saying what we certainly must have known deep down... That we were sons and daughters all along.